sounding good I like the intro more. as far as the poetry goes it's really good I stumbled in a few parts: The struggle each day for a single meal: this doesn't seem to fit your rhyme scheme, seems added in for clarity, but is there another way you can convey it or do you need the line at all?
For a sandwich...: Maybe it's "just a sandwich" if you read it from the line prior it doesn't make as much sense.
sounding good I like the intro more. as far as the poetry goes it's really good I stumbled in a few parts:
ReplyDeleteThe struggle each day for a single meal: this doesn't seem to fit your rhyme scheme, seems added in for clarity, but is there another way you can convey it or do you need the line at all?
For a sandwich...: Maybe it's "just a sandwich" if you read it from the line prior it doesn't make as much sense.